Hope for Single Parents & Blended Families

This is what I consider a guest blog, I've followed the teachings and books of Chip Ingram for years now, he is such a sharp guy with an amazing heart for the Christian family. Chip Ingram is the teaching pastor and president of Living on the Edge, an international teaching and discipleship ministry. A pastor for over thirty years, Chip has a unique ability to communicate truth and challenge people to live out their faith. The information below is stuff that all families could strive to do, but it is especially valuable for Single Parents and Blended Families. Take a few minutes to read the personal wisdom he offers below.

If you’re a single parent or a parent in a blended family, you represent the majority of families in America. Now, only one out of four families is what we’d call a “traditional family” – a mom and dad with the same biological children. In addition, over forty percent of all babies in the U.S. are born to single-parent moms.

As a pastor, I meet a lot of single parents and parents of blended families. And what I’ve found is that many of them are experiencing absolute brokenness, whether it’s because of their actions or someone else’s poor decisions.

Lots of single moms or dads fight just to get through the day. They struggle with being the sole provider for their kids, and they don’t always have the emotional support or strength they need to do it.

Parents in a blended family have other unique challenges. At some point, many of them realize just how tough it is to connect and bond with children who aren’t their own biological children. They also deal with the reality that their children complicate their relationship with their spouse.

Sound familiar?

So what’s a single parent to do? And how do parents of blended families find hope and healing?

First, know that if you’re a single parent or if you’re in a blended family, God’s Word to you is: for nothing will be impossible with God. (Luke 1:37 ESV) Single and blended families aren’t God’s ideal, and they’re often very challenging, but God wants to redeem your situation! 

His grace is sufficient for you to overcome any and every obstacle if you surrender fully and wholly unto Him. 

My own family is a blended family. When I met my wife, Theresa, she was a single parent of two little twin boys and abandoned by her ex-husband. I married her when her boys were four years old, and I became an instant parent.

Those early years were particularly turbulent. We had to deal with a lot of baggage from our past and a lot of unrealistic expectations. Both Theresa and I have learned a lot over the years.

Here are five specific ways that we’ve learned how to cope as both a single parent or a parent in a blended family:

1. Make God your number one priority. I can’t emphasize that enough. It’s key. No matter what, spend time with God. Make His Word, make His people, and your heart the number one priority.
2. If you’re a single parent, get connected with a strong, godly, same-gender support group for encouragement and accountability. You have to get connected. Don’t go it alone. If you do, you will not do it well, you’ll make very bad decisions in your moments of weakness, and loneliness, and exhaustion. You need other people who love God to say, “Let’s do this God’s way together.”
3. If you’re a parent in a blended family, make your marriage a priority and seek counseling from a mutually trusted, biblical, and wise counselor. It’s very important to see someone that you both choose and agree to help you. You’ll need to work through expectations, which are usually way off.
4. Accept this season of your life and set realistic expectations for you and your children. The goal is not to make everything in your life perfect, nice, and easy. That’s just not possible. Single parents, accept that this is a tough season and that you need God’s grace and His love. If you’re in a blended family, accept that it takes time to establish a deep connection with your adopted kids.
5. Remember that God can make up for what you can’t give your kids or your adopted kids. He can do what you can’t do. I’ve known kids coming out of single and blended homes, and I’ve seen God work in amazing ways. Some of these kids have turned out to be the best, most godly, amazing kids I’ve ever met.

For more tips on how to be a godly parent, check out Chip’s series, House or Home: Parenting Edition: God’s Blueprint for Biblical Parenting.

Chip Ingram

Chip Ingram is the teaching pastor and president of Living on the Edge, an international teaching and discipleship ministry. A pastor for over thirty years, Chip has a unique ability to communicate truth and challenge people to live out their faith. He is the author of many books, including "The Real God," "Culture Shock" and "The Real Heaven." Chip and his wife, Theresa, have four grown children and eleven grandchildren and live in California.

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Things Bigger Than Us...

Have you ever had one of those times where you realized you were so caught up in your own "life" or "agenda" that you completely missed out on what God had in store for you?  I've had a handful of things on my mind lately that I've wanted to Blog about. I'm going to try and incorporate two of those ideas into this one blog today.

Children have been on my mind heavily the last week or so, children being mistreated, and I don't mean not getting enough attention or a parent missing a birthday party, but I'm talking about horrible and unforgivable atrocities against children. Stories I've read lately include one child who was tied up to a stake in the ground with a collar around his neck outside in the cold and watching his parents beat his pet dog to death and another story coming out of Scotland, where a 5 year old child from Botswana literally had his heart ripped out of his chest while was still alive for some sort of a "ritual sacrifice." 

I'll post links to the stories below if you don't believe me. It is absolute horror. I can't begin to fathom what goes through the minds of people, to hurt and even kill a child. These stories make me think of my own 4 year old son, it brings me to tears to think of something like this happening to him. For those of you who are parents you'll know what I mean when I say I would do anything I possibly could to keep my children from having to experience pain. There is no part of me that ever would want my children to suffer. What in the world is wrong with people that would do these kinds of things to children? 

Only thing I can come back to is that there is an absence of true love, the "Agape" love that our Father in heaven has for us.  John 3:16 is one of the most famous and well-known Bible verses. It has been called the "Gospel in a nutshell" because it is considered a summary of the central doctrines of Christianity. The verb translated "loved" in this verse is ἠγάπησεν (ēgapēsen), past tense of "agapaō".
"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life."
—John 3:16, KJV

Agape received a broader usage under later Christian writers as the word that specifically denoted "Christian" love or "charity" (1 Corinthians 13:1–8), or even God himself (1 John 4:8, ὁ θεὸς ἀγάπη ἐστίν, "God is Love").

The term agape was used by the early Christians to refer to the self-sacrificing love of God for humanity, which they were committed to reciprocating and practicing towards God and among one another. When 1 John 4:8 says "God is love," the Greek New Testament uses the word agape to describe God's love.

A self sacrificing love, a love that knows that there are thing more important than our selves, things bigger than "us." Children are to be loved, my son's memory verse for this month is, "Jesus said, 'let the little children come to me' - Matthew 19:14 (in his voice he says Maffew, but I know what he means). The stories mentioned above just ripped my heart out at the cruelty these two children had been shown vs. what they really deserved. 

On another level I felt God speak to me about children, we are all God's children, not just kids, but adults as well. I had a man come by the church today, down and out, homeless at the moment, trying to piece his life back together. Just before Thanksgiving we had done some things to help him and try and get him back on his feet. He's still trying, has a job, but just lost his spot in a shelter he'd been staying in. I didn't really have the ability to help him from our "benevolence" account again this month. He asked if I could at least get him some food, I told him I was sure I could manage that. 

Now, this all came at a bad time for me in my day, I was on an important phone call when he came in to the church and I had an appointment I was trying to make at 12:30, so I was rushing a bit with this guy. I told him, ok let's go and I'll take you to get some food (in my mind, I'd decided that I 'd take him to get lunch at a buffet somewhere, drop him off, pay for it and still have time to make it to my appointment). So we go outside and load is bike, bag of clothes, backpack, tent, and machete (yes a machete) into my Tahoe and I take him to Western Sizzlin, as I'm going through the line with him (ready to hurry up and pay so I can go), I had a real check in my spirit, "Are you too good to sit down and have lunch with this man? My child?" Yeah, at that moment I felt like a dirt bag, nobody in his situation should have to eat alone, I was about to miss an opportunity to do something bigger than myself, I could encourage this guy, pray with him, maybe make a difference. At least show him that someone, somewhere cared.

Turns out he's trying to get enough money to be able to take care of his wife who is in a nursing home, the right half of her body is paralyzed and they don't really have any other family to help them out. We had a good lunch, he said that his steak was a little too pink, but the fried chicken was good, he was extremely grateful, said that he never gets to eat in nice places like Western Sizzlin. He "snuck" a few cookies into his jacket to take to his wife, and I dropped him, his bike and all his gear (yes the machete too) off at the nursing home so he could spend some time with his wife before going into work, to try and do his best to take care of his family.

There are things in our life every day that are "Bigger Than Us," don't get too busy and miss out on opportunities God puts in front of you. You have the ability to have a great influence on people around you and make a difference in this world, which is full of people that don't know what true Agape love is, you can show it to them. That Self Sacrificing Love that knows no bounds, and is willing to not just give out of abundance but out of need as well.

"Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me."

- Matthew 25:40

Story Links Below -
Police: Couple Arrested On Suspicion Of Tying Child To Stake, Shooting Dog
Horror as body of five-year-old boy is found after he suffered 'sickening and violent death'

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12 Ways To Turn A Bad Day Into A Better One (Guest Post)

Here is an awesome blog from our Friends over at Christian Personal Finance - 

"They are inevitable.

Bad days happen to everyone.

But, there are things you can do to make them better.

Here are a few ideas to get you started.

Hopefully just reading this post will help, but actually DOING some of the things listed below will!  So be bold and take action!

1. Play With Kids.

Even if they are not your own, just kid around kids while they are just being kids.

2. Give Someone A Compliment.

Not a fake one, but take the time to see something that someone else is doing well.

3. Sing In Your Car.

And sing as loud as you can. Have you ever noticed how hard it is to frown while you are singing?

4. Read Philippians 4.

And while you are at it, just think about where Paul was while he was writing it.

5. Bake Your Favorite Kind Of Cookies.

Then eat some.

6. Count Your Blessings.

I mean it. Start a list of all the things you are thankful for. Write until you can’t write anymore. Staple it to the wall.

7. Watch People.

Go find a crowded public area, sit down and watch. Allow yourself to wonder what he ate for breakfast, or what her name is, or where he bought that shirt.

8. Do Something For Someone You Love.

Do the dishes for your wife, take your neice out for ice cream, take your mom to Starbucks for a coffee.

9. Pray.

It’s #9 because you expected it to be #1. What could be more encouraging that talking to the Creator of the universe?

10. Think Of The Most Encouraging Person You Know And Call Them.

But don’t complain. Refrain from telling them how bad your day is and focus on making their day better.

11. Write A Letter.

A good old-fashioned paper and ink letter. Bonus: write it to someone who has impacted your life and thank them and let them know how much you appreciate their role/impact in your life.

12. Remember The Truth.

That God causes all things to work together for GOOD (Romans 8:28)"

What do you do when you're having a bad day?

Let us know in the comments section below!

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This blog originally appeared HERE

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What's Important?

Are the things that are important in our lives relative to our current situations or are they absolute?

I believe the important things in our lives should be absolute, however, we allow our circumstances, emotions, selfish nature to dictate what's important to us at any given minute.

Truthfully, our relationship with God should be paramount, should be the most important thing day in and day out. But really, how much time to we devote or invest into that relationship? Prayer, study, etc..

Click HERE to read more!

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